Happy Easter!

Today was the first major holiday since my surgery and in my family Easter is a major holiday.  Started the weekend yesterday with my daughters and I making the annual Bunny cake that Easter dinner just isn't complete without.

While making the bunny cake, I couldn't resist doing the typical of eating a few jelly beans and one piece of pull-n-peel Twizzlers.  My second experience of having a little bit of candy and I did totally fine.  Later in the evening, just a few minutes before bed, I had a whole pull-n-peel.  That was probably a mistake.  I didn't feel horrible, but I didn't feel great.  I need to remember candy in very small quantities, but sometimes it's so hard!

After the bunny cake making yesterday, we went to a Royals baseball game with friends.  That worked out fine.  It was an evening game.  We left the house at 5:15.  I ate supper before we left.  I took snacks with me to the game and ate string cheese and pretzels earlier in the game and protein bites later in the game.  The peanut butter and chocolate protein bites are a new snack that I just purchased at the grocery store on Friday.  I was looking for something easily portable, but with protein.  They seem to fit the bill.  The game was made much easier with the parking pass for the lot right next to the stadium.  I had been concerned about having to walk a long way, but that was a nonissue.

After church today we went to my step-sister-in-law's sister's house for dinner (did you follow that?) where we had the normal gathering of "family".  A wonderful group of about 25 where everyone there is related to someone there, but no one there is related to everyone there.

Many of those there were ones that had gathered at a restaurant 3 nights before we left to MD Anderson for surgery to say goodbye.  Most of which I had not seen since returning home from surgery.  It was good to see everyone.  There were obviously lot's of questions about how I'm doing and specific questions about how I'm coping as this is something that no one really understands.

Being the first big dinner since surgery and not being in my own home, I was cautious about the things I put on my plate.  I mainly wanted foods that I've had before or at least I felt were pretty safe.  We had the traditional Easter ham.  I actually hadn't tried ham yet, but I've had pork chop and pork ribs, so I felt pretty safe with the ham.  I actually enjoyed the ham a lot.  It was very tasty.  Seemed to settle very fine and I enjoyed it being a meat that I haven't been eating all the time, mainly chicken or fish.  I enjoy chicken and fish, but I'm growing tired of them.  I enjoyed the ham so much that I asked to bring some leftovers home and will probably get 5 or 6 meals out of what I brought home.

I also had a little mashed potatoes (although I didn't eat too many since they were skin on and I found it difficult to separate the skin), cheesy potatoes, German potato salad (we like potatoes in this family), macaroni and cheese, asparagus and part of a roll.  I obviously didn't have much of the various potatoes or macaroni and cheese, but enjoyed most everything I ate.

I haven't had a chance to try many desserts yet because I don't want to experiment at a restaurant and I don't want to make a whole dessert at home to just sample a small amount and my husband doesn't eat much dessert as he is diabetic.  I decided today was an opportunity to be able to sample multiple desserts and brought home some of my bunny cake, a piece of a German cake, and a sugar cookie.  I'm obviously not going to try them all at once, but I can try a little of each one on different days and see how it goes.  That should give me a pretty good understanding of my ability to do desserts.  Tonight, just a few minutes ago, I tried a small piece of the bunny cake.  It was good.  I think I'm going to be OK.  I've been fortunate so far and haven't experienced dumping syndrome.  I hope to keep it that way.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter if that is a holiday you celebrate.  I know it was a good Easter for me.

Experimenting with New Foods

A week ago when I had my follow-up with the surgeon and nutritionist at MD Anderson, the nutritionist wanted me to start trying new things.  Basically all of those things she originally told me to avoid, like high fat foods, sweets, etc., she was now encouraging me to try.  It's a weird feeling to be setting yourself up to get sick, but the thing is, if you never try it, you'll never know whether you can have it or not and since all of this varies from person to person, you have to give everything a try.  So, for the past week, I have been trying new foods with mixed success.

First of all, a week ago Friday, I had ice cream.  I just had a small bowl of Bunny Tracks.  It was fine.  Didn't really feel any affects of it at all.  I had another bowl a few days later.  It came back up.  Why was it fine one day and not another?  I have no idea, but I do think it is sometimes more about my body on a given day than what it is I eat.  I think the second bowl was a little bigger, but not that much so that it should have made a substantial difference.  I don't know.  I'll have to try it again and see what happens whether ice cream goes back into my diet or not.  I've never eaten a lot of ice cream, but I do enjoy it.

Hamburgers - I tried hamburger at home first.  I purchased 93% lean and broiled it.  I had it for two meals and felt totally fine both times.  Tuesday night we went to a local hamburger place.  I ate most of a 1/4 lb. cheese burger, one onion ring and a few french fries.  As well as being the first hamburger I didn't prepare, it was my first fried foods.  It all did OK.  I actually didn't enjoy the burger as much as I have enjoyed theirs in the past, I think it was a little overdone.  After I ate, I felt a heaviness in my chest, I think it was from the grease and the fried foods.  It wasn't bad and it shortly went away.  I think it will be OK to do that again.

I've ate banana bread and pumpkin bread several times over the last week.  Sometime it does just fine.  Sometimes I've had a little cramping.  I've never felt really bad.  I think the answer to this and most other sweets is keep the quantities small.  If I just do a bite or two at a time, it is usually OK.  If I eat too much, not necessarily.

On Friday, I actually tried a couple of pieces of candy.  I had one miniature Reeces peanut butter cup and one Rolo.  I had no issues.  It did give me encouragement that as long as I keep the quantities small, I should be able to do most sweets.

Friday night I tried pizza.  I like all-meat pizza.  We got my favorite thin crust pizza with pepperoni, Italian sausage and Canadian bacon.  I think it was a bit much.  This time the heaviness of fat and grease felt like it was sitting lower, I would say in my stomach, but I don't have a stomach, so I guess in my belly.  About an hour later, it came back up.  I think it will be awhile since I try pizza again.

Saturday I tried bratwurst.  I ate about half of one and I didn't enjoy it, but it didn't make me sick.  Today I ate the other half and it seemed greasier.  Apparently, warming it up in the microwave brought the grease to the surface more.  I don't know.  I kept it down, but I didn't feel good for awhile after eating it.

The good thing is even when something doesn't set right and I don't feel good after eating, usually it's only 15-20 minutes and then I feel better.

I find it interesting that the hamburger, pizza and bratwurst all had one thing in common: they are all foods that I ate regularly before, that I was starting to miss after not eating for over 6 weeks, and I didn't enjoy any of them as much as I was expecting to.  Have my taste buds changed?  I don't know.  I can't explain it.

There's still more experimenting to do....

Supper Tonight

I baked a frozen tilapia filet for supper tonight.  I ate the whole filet!  It may have only been 2.5-3 oz and prior to surgery I'm sure I would have ate two of them, but I ate the whole filet!  I also had a little over half of a small russet potato, along with some onion and peppers, and a small piece of a roll.  It was quite tasty and felt like a complete meal.  Some of my meals are more complete than others.  It's always nice when I put a complete meal together.

6 Weeks Post-Op - Back to Work

Surgery was 6 weeks ago today.  Yesterday, I started back to work part-time.  I have a desk job with very flexible hours.  Since I've been sleeping in and I do better in the afternoons, I went in at 1:30 yesterday.  By 4:30 I was tired and came home.  When my husband got home and wanted to go for a walk, I found I had no energy for walking.  It was amazing how working for just 3 hours had made me so tired.  It doesn't seem like sitting at a desk, mostly working on a computer should be that different than sitting on a couch at home, often on my laptop, but it is different.

Today I didn't go in until 2:00.  I worked till a little after 5:00.  I didn't feel as tired as I did yesterday.  Wasn't tempted to go for a walk today because it was raining, so I don't know how that would have been, but I did do household chores this evening (load the dishwasher, do some laundry, etc.) and seemed fine.  However, I started working on taxes (really need to get those done) and hit a brick wall.  I'll have to finish up tomorrow as I meet with my tax accountant on Thursday.

I'm tired.  I'm going to bed.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Words of Comfort

As I am sure most others who have undergone this surgery, I had lots of anxiety in the days and weeks leading up to the surgery.  I knew I was probably going to have the surgery for a year before I actually had it.  It was scheduled for 3 months. That gave me plenty of time to get anxious and freak out.  I have a strong Christian faith and without the support and prayers of my family, friends, local church and others, I don't know if I would have made it through.

I want to share a couple of particular things that I found inspiration from in hopes that they might help someone else facing this surgery or another crisis in their life.

The first is from Sometimes an Unknown Path: 40 Psalm-Prayers in Contemplative Voice by Jerry Webber.  I am on the staff at my local church as the Business Administrator.  During a staff meeting just after I had scheduled my surgery, the pastor shared this devotion.  I have bolded the part that particularly spoke to me.  Then at the last staff meeting before I was leaving town before my surgery, the pastor said she was rereading one of the devotions from this book.  She knew she had read it, but she didn't know when and she didn't remember that it was the one that had spoke to me so much about my surgery, but yes, this was the one she was rereading.  I would say that was a "God Moment".

Day 13 - Psalm 143:5-10 Prayer: A Psalm of Opening to God

God, I call to mind significant times I have experienced Your presence this past year ....
I give thanks for the beauty I have seen in the created world ....
I consider what Your hands have done in the lives of people I know....

I open my hands and lift them wide to You, open and expectant.
Fill my thirsty life with Your love, with Your compassion,
     with Your mercy, with Your justice.

God don't leave me to my own wiles and manipulations.
I see so little of what is really real that if left to myself
     I'd destroy my own life and those around me.

Speak into me Your never-ending love at the dawn of this new day.
Show me the first steps of the path into my future,

     the steps that will draw me deeper into Your heart,
     the steps that will draw out of me my most authentic self,
     the steps that will lead me to lay down my life,
     on behalf of those You love and gave Your own life for.

Deliver me from my fear of taking the next risky step,

Heal my need to control the future.

The only security I need is Your presence.

For my heart's desire is to walk with You into the days ahead.

Walk with me and show me how to do that.

Give me Your Spirit as a Guide along this path

You have invited me to walk.

And when the time comes, give me the grace to soar.

Amen.

The second item that really spoke to me in the weeks leading up to my surgery was a song.  I play in our church's handbell choir and we were doing a concert with all of our church music groups on January 25, 4 weeks before my February 21 surgery.  To close the concert, the congregation and Praise Team sang "Made Me Glad" by Hillsong Worship.  It had been a particularly rough day at work.  I was really anxious about my upcoming surgery.  During this song the tears just flowed.  Again, I'll bold the particular lines that really got to me.

"Made Me Glad"

I will bless the Lord forever
And I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all sin
And He has set my feet upon a rock

And I will not be moved
And I'll say of the Lord

You are my shield, my strength
My portion, Deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need

Whom have I in Heaven but You?
There's none I desire beside You
You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord

[Chorus:]
You are my shield, my strength
My portion, Deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help
You are my shield, my strength
My portion, Deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need

You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord

[repeat chorus]

My very present help in time of need [repeat]

Hope you find inspiration in this devotion and song as I did.  All of life's challenges are easier when God is walking at our side.